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New Swingers
The aim of the page is to give some pointers to the
pitfalls, and to help you avoid timewasters, or being seen as
timewasters yourselves.
I have split the page into 4 categories;
If you want to make contact with other newcomers to the
scene, try
Swinging Virgins, or if you want to start with just some soft
Swinging try Soft Swing
UK. There is also a section on the site called swinging times. This
shows some of the fun times to be had, along with some of the pitfalls -
go
there
1. What or Who
are swingers?
Swingers include people who;
-
enjoy having sex with other people as well as, and
along with, their regular partner
-
enjoy watching their partner have sex with someone
else
-
enjoy having sex with lots of people (greedy girls)
-
enjoy going to swingers parties
The main criteria for being a swinger is that you are
open and honest with yourself, your regular partner and the people you
meet.
Back to top
2. New Couples
Many couples enjoy fantasizing about having sex with
other people, more and more of these people are deciding to make these
fantasies become a reality, which is great news for the people already
in the scene, as we always enjoy having new people come and join us.
There are of course pitfalls and there are several things you should
consider before you come and join in the fun.
Don't push or pull your partner into the scene.
Talk about your fantasies in the cold light of day, if
you both want to make them become a reality, then start making contact
with people. If either one of you is not ready, STOP.
Dragging a reluctant partner to meet another couple,
or taking them to a party is not going to make them change their
minds. There is a very high risk that it will lead to the end of your
relationship with each other.
Decide what your boundaries are.
Don't go along to your first meeting or party without
making sure you have agreed on what you are happy doing, what you are
happy for your partner to do, and what area's are no go zones.
For example, maybe you agree that on your first
meeting you will be happy for both of you to get involved in
everything except full intercourse, as long as you both know what the
boundaries are, and you have told the people you are meeting what they
are you will have no problems as long as you stick to them.
When you get home that night, talk about the
experience, be it good or bad, make sure you were both OK with it, and
that you both want to move forward, or you want to stop.
If you are happy and want to move forward, decide what
changes, if any, you want to make to the rules under which you both
play. Never step outside your boundaries without agreement, don't try
to modify the boundaries on the evening, always start the evening
knowing exactly what is and is not allowed.
I have seen people get divorced because they did not
keep to their agreements.
Never fall in love!
Swinging is about having fun with other people. Most
of these people are in happy relationships and are looking for sex,
not love. Declaring your love for someone is going to complicate the
issues, and put strains on everyone's relationships, you could even
destroy the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love check one of the many
lonely hearts sites.
First steps
Decide on which fantasy you want to fulfill first -
meet a couple, meet a single guy, meet a single girl or go to a party.
Each of the above has a different degree of
difficulty, I will now list them in ease of arranging
This is by far the easiest meeting for a couple to
arrange. There are a huge number of single guys who are happy to be in
a three some situation. There are several ways to meet a single guy,
the most reliable are to browse the men seeking couples ads, or to
place your own ad. If you place an ad make sure you explain the type
of person you are looking for, your boundaries, where you are, where
you can travel, if you want to meet at their location, your location
or a neutral place.
Couples placing an ad to meet a single guy on this
site can expect up to 400 responses a day! of course most of these
will be people who do not meet what you are looking for. You will need
to put aside time to respond to the emails, even if just to say sorry,
no thanks.
There are many parties held every weekend in most of
the large cities in the UK.
Before you go read all the information you can about
the parties to ensure that they cater for new comers, or for your
tastes. Some venues have different kinds of parties on different
nights, so make sure you are aware of the type of party you will be
going to.
-
Couples only - pretty self explanatory, there will
only be other couples at the party.
-
Couples and singles - usually a few couples and many
single guys, occasionally a few single girls.
-
Greedy girls - up to about 6 girls and as many as 75
men.
-
Spa's - much like greedy girls parties, though most
have a couples only area where you can get some respite.
Party etiquette is that if you say No to someone they
must leave you alone. If they do not, complain to the management.
click here to see the etiquette section.
This option is almost as easy, but you now have 4
people, all of whom will have to be happy with the other pair, be
patient and look for people you are both happy with. Expect some knock
backs, just because you fancy a couple, and each other, it does not
follow that the couple will fancy both of you!
After you have made contact via email, and it looks as
though the four of you may have enough in common to meet. Arrange to
talk on the phone. This is an important step, as you will need to weed
out single guys pretending to be couples and husbands (and
occasionally wives) who are trying to pull their partner along by
making arrangements. When you make the arrangement use a mobile
number, or you could end up with unwanted calls to your home number.
You must make sure that all 4 of you talk, do not accept excuses that
the partner is late home from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a
dying mother or shagging the England football team, if you cannot talk
to them, they probably do not exist, or are not aware of the
situation.
By far the most difficult to achieve. There are
relatively few single girls in the scene, those that are tend to be in
friendships with couples. I have known couples search for 2 years
without finding a single girl to join them.
Whoever you are going to meet remember that although its
scary, the other people will be as nervous as you. Don't get drunk or
drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of their
faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls
and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
3. New single Ladies
Welcome, you are the most sought after category in the
scene!
Many of the couples and almost all the single guys who
advertise on this site - about 6,000 adverts, would like to meet you.
You can afford to be choosy, and pick the person or people you want to
play with.
If you advertise you will be hit with over 400 emails a
day, so be prepared to do a lot of reading. When you place your ad
explain exactly what you are looking for, even eye/hair colour, some of
the guys do read the ads before responding, but many just send a
standard response to every girl and couple who advertise in the hope
that someone somewhere will want them. If you are happy to respond to
all the emails say so in the ad, if you will not be responding to some
people - those with no photo, those who have brown eyes when you asked
for blue etc. - say so in the ad.
Be honest, and keep to your word. Describe yourself
accurately. If you are a size 16, say so, don't pretend that you are a
size 12-14. Guys are not quite so stupid that on meeting you they will
not realize. You will also find that there is a big demand for larger
girls.
If you say in your ad that all emails will be answered,
answer them, even if just a "no thanks, not this time".
If you do find someone you want to meet make sure you do
so in a safe environment, not at that persons house. Meet in a pub or
hotel lounge, make sure you are happy with them in a social setting
before making arrangements to meet them in private. If they say they are
a couple talk to both people on their telephone, make a note of their
number - you must make sure that you talk to both of them, do not accept
excuses that the partner is late home from work, putting the kids to
bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the England football team, if
you cannot talk to them, they probably do not exist, or are not aware of
the situation.
When you leave home make sure someone knows where you
are going, leave a sealed envelope to be opened if you do not ring in by
a certain time, in it put the email addresses, telephone number and
location of the meeting, its better to be safe and embarrassed than
dead.
Whoever you are going to meet remember that although its
scary, the other people will be as nervous as you. Don't get drunk or
drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of their
faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls
and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
4. New single guys
Guys you have the hardest struggle of all. There are
thousands of us all wanting to get involved in the swinging scene, most
it must be said simply because its the easiest way to get sex without
getting a mortgage, kids and an overdraft!, many due to broken marriages
or relationships, but sadly there also many miss-fits; like the guys who
have no social graces and are therefore unable to make friends through
work or social gatherings, those who see themselves as gods gift to
women, and as a result no woman wants to know them, and sadly the ones
who have odour problems.
You will have to make a lot of effort to be picked by a
couple or a lady.
Things that may help you.
-
Honesty - don't exaggerate your looks, ability, wealth
etc. If you are 30 say 30, if 50 say 50. Ladies are more interested in
the real you than an age, but if they catch you lying about one thing,
they will not trust you on anything else! If you are a married male or
a "significant other" playing away from home, say so, pretending to be
single but sneaking off to make phone calls, or having to rush off to
beat a curfew is not going to fool anyone for very long.
-
Relevancy - If you respond to an ad, make sure you are
what the advertiser is looking for. Don't respond to an ad asking for
a 20 something green eyed, blonde male if you are 45, gray hair and
brown eyes - you will just frustrate the advertiser by clogging up
their mail box.
-
Concise - Make your email response concise, but not a
one line "I want to shag you" Make sure that you fit the description
of the person the advertiser is looking for, and reiterate the points
where you fit the description. Don't send them a 2000 word essay
outlining your every fantasy and experience to date, you can go into
these details later. Remember first impressions count, be polite,
open, and to the point without being blunt.
-
Grooming - If you get lucky and are invited to meet
socially turn up smart. An unshaven, guy in crumpled clothes and
smelling of sweat will not get you into their bedroom - unless the
girl has specified that she is looking for a bit of rough. On the
other hand, don't wear a bottle of aftershave!. Dress appropriately
for the venue, smart casual - clean pressed clothes- will see you
through in most venues. Remember to shower, clean your teeth and brush
your hair.
-
Pictures - If you are sending a picture, or putting a
picture on your ad follow a few simple rules.
-
Unless requested send a face & body shot, don't use
cock shots, girls look at eyes, hands, bums, legs and hair before
they look at cocks. It may be your pride and joy, but it is more
likely to lose you responses than gain them for you. If they do want
to see your 9" monster they will ask.
-
Use a recent picture, you can fool someone until you
meet them. Just because you get them to meet you does not mean you
will get any further if the picture was of someone else, or you 10
years ago.
-
Put your email address across the centre of the
picture, this is to stop photo collectors, and to enable people to
remember which photo goes with which email.
-
Make the picture about 600 X 600 pixels, no more
than 96dpi and a .jpg this will send through the emails quickly, and
not take up all the persons hard disk space. I know 3 couples who
delete any email where the picture is more than 250k.
-
Couples - as a single male you are more likely to get
action with a couple, than you are with a single girl. Don't worry,
you will find that most of the guys in couples are straight, but they
love to watch their wife with another guy/guys. You just clarify
before the meet that a) there is a couple by talking on the telephone
and b) asking outright if the guy is straight.
-
Parties - There are parties running every weekend.
Most are for couples only, some are for couples and guys or greedy
girls and guys. It is a sad fact of life that 90% of the time you will
be charged more as a single guy than the couples or girls will pay,
this is down to supply and demand. Do not go to these parties looking
for a one on one session with a girl, it is just not going to happen.
If however you follow the rules of etiquette, you are almost
guaranteed sex, as the girls who attend these parties like to have
lots of men. You will find that most often it is the clubs that cater
for single men rather than parties held by swingers in their homes.
Before you go to a party make sure you read the etiquette section on
this site.
click here to see the etiquette section.
-
Single girls - If you see an ad from a single girl,
read it carefully. If it looks to good to be true, it probably is.
Lots of girls are actually guys advertising trying to collect your
pictures (see info about pictures above), others may be escorts trying
to get you to call them, and of course some of them are real - JoJo of
is genuine and Janey of
is genuine. if they advertise, they are looking for what they say in
their ad.
-
Sobriety - Don't get drunk, or try kissing the girl if
you are stinking of beer. Take some breath fresh mints with you.
Remember, although the girl is looking for some fun in the sack, she
has many other guys to choose from. Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous
as you. Don't get drugged up either. No once fancies people who are
not in control of their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK,
bouncing off the walls and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
-
Grace - If you respond to an ad and you get a turn
down, don't harass the advertiser. Be graceful and accept that you may
not fit the persons requirements. Sending dozens of mails asking for
reasons or being abusive will not get you anywhere, and in many cases
will mean that a warning goes around the community to avoid you.
-
Love - Never fall in love with a swinger. Swinging is
about having fun with other people. Most of these people are in happy
relationships and are looking for sex, not love. Declaring your love
for someone is going to complicate the issues, and put strains on
everyone's relationships, you could even destroy the other persons
marriage.
If you are looking for love check one of the many
lonely hearts sites.
-
First Date - Turn Up, On time, remember - You only
have one chance to make a first impression - screw up the first
meeting and you are history. You will be seen a as timewaster, and
couples talk. If you make a good impression they will probably meet
you again, they may share you with their friends, and take you to
parties. Make a bad impression and the word will go around that you
are no good, your chances of swinging will drop to zero. The swinging
scene does not work on the adage "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".
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